Dear God

Dear God,

Where do I begin to start? Before I was even created you loved me and had a plan for my life. Before I was even a thought you laid down your life so that I may live in you. I am so grateful for my salvation. You have guided me through life, and when I left your side, you stayed by mine. Through all the wrong, you have forgiven me Lord. When I no longer felt your presence, when I no longer called your name, you pursued me. You listened to the prayers of my parents and had a hedge of protection around me. When I have fallen to the pits of hell, you pulled me out the pit and saved me. I remember the moment that I needed you more than I even knew at the time and you showed up and held me in your arms and rocked me as I cried out for your mercy, for your love, for your grace, for your forgiveness. I knew then you never left me even though I had forsaken you. I felt your presence, love and forgiveness surround me. I think the words from Phillips Craig and Dean describe best what I experienced that day.

Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord
Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty conqueror, and the only time
the only time I ever saw Him run

Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran

The day I left home I knew I’d broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time – it was the only time I ever saw Him run
And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise as He brought me to my knees
When God ran – I saw Him run to me
I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again
He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, “Son”, He called me Son
He said, “Son do you know I still love you?”
He ran to me and then I ran to Him
When God ran

How can the God of this universe love me so much? I am thankful to be back in the Kingdom of the Lord. I am thankful for all of those who prayed for me. I am grateful that God knew that He would find me when I needed Him most. I am thankful for all the miracles He has blessed me with; all the Love He has given me through Him and through an amazing family. I am thankful that He never fails!!!! I am thankful that I have a God who is all knowing, that is Love, that is faithful, Holy, the Light of the world, merciful, the great deliver, the strong tower, the protector, the judger, the comforter. I am thankful that He allowed me to be born in a country free of oppression and free to worship Him. I am thankful for the Cross. I am thankful for the Blood that cleanses me. I am thankful for the trials I have faced so that I can serve a greater purpose in your Kingdom, Thank you Lord for those trials and the lessons you have taught me. Thank you for giving my pain and my suffering a purpose. Thank you for healing my heart, my wounds. Thank you for instilling life back into me. Thank you for teaching me more and more every day. Thank you for all that you have given to me.

Isaiah 53:6
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

My Two Angels

(Joshua and Braeden)

Many times in my life I have acted without a care in the world to my consequences. I chose a life of bad choices and was going in the wrong direction. I had hated who I was to the point of contemplating ending my life.

I am so grateful that I was able to be pulled from the pit and that God love’s me enough to save me and forgive me. There are so many things in life to be thankful for. There was a time in my life that I just really lost hope in God. My life was in shambles and two people whom I loved dearly and who were Godly people struggled to have children. I couldn’t understand at the time how God could allow my brother and sister in law to struggle with multiple miscarriages when so many people I have known get pregnant and have no desire to bring the child to life. Where is the justice in this world? What I didn’t know then is that God had a bigger plan in mind, Joshua.. He is a miracle to so many in my life. The joy he brought to Torie and Jonathan and the joy he brought to my mom and dad, Shirley, Gary and Tim. He was an amazing gift to all who received him. But deep down inside me, he was a huge part in my need to change my life. How can this little life create such a stir in my heart? How can this baby bring such love that I had forgotten existed? I don’t know what it is like to be a parent and I can’t begin to imagine. I look at both of my nephews and am dumbfounded by just how much I love them, how much I would give up for them. How can two little boys be my inspiration? I have never felt love they way I feel for them. They bring so much joy and happiness to my life. I hate that I am so far away from them but I cherish each second I get with them. I knew God had a great gift for my brother and sister in love, but I never imagined the gift he was giving me as well. I am beyond grateful for Joshua and Braeden. They say some of the sweetest things. Joshua amazes me with how smart he is, how he can master so many things in front of him. He has such a loving spirit. Braeden is my snuggle bug, he is my mini me and it is so special to share so many things with him. He is creative and loving and the kid makes you laugh for days, he definitely has character. I am so grateful that I am an Aunt to two amazing little boys. I am so thankful that they are raised in a Christian home and have already demonstrated their eagerness to know God and love God. The make my heart soar and smile. I am so lucky two be a part of their lives, what a blessing my two little miracle angels are. I love them so much and I love that because of them I continually want to grow. Thank you God for Joshie and Brae, they have made my life so much greater.

Troy

Very Thankful for Troy
Not to long ago in my past, I sold myself short when it came to relationships. I was so broken in the inside that I would settle for those I dated. I didn’t command respect or feel I deserved to be loved and cherished. Pathways helped me overcome the negative thoughts I had about myself and made me realize what I truly wanted in all areas of my life and what I deserved. After I regained the true me, I wanted a strong marriage. I wanted a strong partner. I grew up watching two wonderful parents and wished if I could only have a taste of that I would be blessed. I've always been someone who was passionate in my beliefs. I am strong in many areas, but those strengths can sometimes be a flaw in that I tend to steamroll over people who don't have the strength to stand up to me and as my mother says, I don’t always know when to keep my mouth shut. I wanted a spouse who was strong enough to stand up to me and who would be equally strong in their support of me. All of you who know me know I can be a lot to handle.
I'm lucky and I'm grateful, I got what I wished for. My husband's strengths complement my own. He gives me support, he loves me unconditionally, he stands beside me and he gives me a swift kick when I need it. He takes care of me, he lets me vent and actually listens and he forgives me. I am thankful for my husband and I'm thankful for the future I will have with him. I love that he is eager to start a family, and wants nothing more than to be a great husband to me and a great father when children come in to our lives. I love that we have both made mistakes in our relationship but loved each other enough to get through and we can both look back and regret some of our choices but be thankful for where they have lead us in our journey together. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is the glue that has held us together. I can be myself, I can be the goofy girl, the serious girl, the over analytical girl, the emotional charged girl. I can show my flaws and he loves me and accepts me. We know the ghosts in the closet, we know each others demons. Knowing that and being completely transparent has been a tremendous gift to our relationship. I am so grateful that my husband can look at me and say with 100% honesty you are all that I want and more than I need, nothing will ever change that.
We're not perfect, we're far from ideal and we're not always going to get it right. But we do learn from our mistakes and we find new ways to make each other smile. We have just begun our journey as husband and wife, but what a great start we have had! He's my best friend. He's the person I want to talk to when things go wrong. He's the one I want to talk to when things go right. He's the one I want to talk to no matter what. I remember a time when I was upset with him and I got so mad because I didn’t know how to talk to him about him…I just always go to him for everything. There is no way to say thank you enough. God has truly blessed me. As my Papi Jack said at our rehearsal dinner, “God is still in the miracle business.” Troy and I are both walking and breathing examples of God’s grace, mercy, forgiveness, love and Miracles. He restored two “damaged goods”, erased the pain, the guilt, the shame, and instilled in us His word and His truth. God is good and he got Troy and I both to where we are today. I am very grateful and thankful for my husband and know that he is truly my gift from God; he was uniquely created for me.

Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting

So Briley took first place in his Karate Tournament. So wish I could have been there to witness that. PROUD AUNTIE coming through. I am super excited for him, that is such a great accomplishment.

GO BRILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take a stand for marriage..my frustration with this world

After numerous of conversations I have been in or overheard in the last couple of months, I have something to say and hope the world is listening. In today’s society marriage seems to be something that is not sacred or valued. So many times as women we are quick to point the fingers at men for the collapse of marriage and the rise of extramarital affairs. I know that it happens both ways, and I know that there are many women who have cheated on their husbands, but we just hear more about the men. The thing that is really striking my nerves is that women need to take a look at the other women that are in our husbands lives. Too many times in today society marriage crumbles and tragedy strikes among those you know. There are many women among us who do not value our marriage and are predators awaiting the right moment to attack our husbands. They know your issues, they know some of the problems you face, they maybe a close friend of yours, or just a “friend” that your husband may talk to nonchalantly or confide his heart with, or even worse someone you have opened your heart to. So many times women feel blindsided by the affair but it was happening right under their nose. I just want to throw my thoughts out there that women, you need to take a good look at who the other women are in your life as well as your husbands. If something doesn’t seem right, question it, and if it comes down to it, ask that the relationship end. Men, you need to guard your marriage and set boundaries with other female acquaintances or friends. If a women ever crosses the line, don’t ignore the issue or flirt around with her, draw a line and stand up for your marriage. Affairs just don’t happen over night.
My message to women out there that prey on someone else’s husband is: stop!!!! Quit disrespecting yourself, disrespecting him, disrespecting his wife, disrespecting God’s design and God himself. How desperate do you have to be to try and lure a married man or make excuses for your behavior? More than likely the only thing you will gain form this relationship is a broken heart and someone else’s broken marriage at your expense. If he does leave his wife for you, you gain a man who tells you from the beginning he can’t be trusted and maybe next time you will be the one sitting at home wondering why he stepped out on you. I just am so dumbfounded by other women, it kills me. Get some self worth and self respect; quit being the destroyer of marriages. And if you didn’t know he was married but found out, leave… because if you stay you are just as low as the women who knew. Ok I am done ranting, but this has just been brewing inside of me.

IS THERE ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE THAT FEELS THIS????

Moonlight

I wrote this in July of 2001

It is the hope that shines in the world of darkness
It awakens the soul
and breaths light into the abandoned heart

Just like rain quenches the thirst of parched rivers
Your smile, your being
revitalizes my tarnished soul

Written By:

Meghan Leigh

My Heart's Cry

Lord I humbly bow before you I give these burdens over to you Oh God You know the secrets of my soul I am letting go of my pain and my fears. My brokenness I will bring and lay it all down before You my King. I am in need of your mending touch. Heal me Oh God.

Lord Your love is my heart's cry. I long to wake and feel your embrace, to be surrounded in your warmth. I've been bent over, crouched in the darkness, felt empty inside, spinning around out of control. Running to this no where distance. Heal my fading heart oh God. You can fill this void, you can make me feel alive.

Lord quench this thirst I have for You. I ache to feel your presence in my life. Fill me Lord so that I may live in your presence. Draw me close to You oh God. Purify my mind by replacing all my painful memories. Spill your mercy over me, cleanse me with your blood so that I may be made whole in You. Oh God, You are the true lover of my heart, of my life.

Lord I used to run in times of my defeat. When my soul was left broken and abused, I ran to many and away from many things until I was completely numb, completely dead inside. Now I find strength in your embrace. Make my pieces whole again. I yearn for the freedom found in You. I kneel before your cross, pleading for my salvation. Satisfy this cry with endless grace. I feel you holding me as I begin to be restored by You. Make me full of faith Lord. Never silence this cry!!

Vulture like Woman

You know who I am, you know my name

You know he is unavailable- but yet attainable to you

You are my constant reminder of the pain within

You are like a vulture awaiting the feast

Unaware that the woman who loves him is torn apart

You continue to toy at his heart- test his emotions- test his commitment

Mistaking our weakness as your chance

Mistaking my failure as your strength

I know his eyes make you feel safe- they intrigue you

I know his words bring you comfort, renew your spirit- give you hope

A womans intuition is no more a myth than his indignant claims of innocence

But he is not my anger- he is not the one I blame- he is not the one I mistrust

You- THE WOMAN- you are my prey

I must control the piqued jealous beast that lurks just beneath my skin

I am not at peace today

I will however fight to maintain my sanity and build my roads on today because tomorrow's ground remains uncertain

I have learned to endure- I am a survivor- a fighter

I am strong and I have worth

I will not walk away

I will not feel defeated

I will continue to love MY MAN with every ounce of me

And pray that you, vulture like woman- fade away



Written By:



Meghan L. Morris

Unbreakable Two

Rage, volumes of anger

Craziness, consumed in this pain

Words spoken, ripping out everything that ever had a meaning

Stabbing what I called OUR LIFE, feelings of our passing

Crystal blues gives way to black as tears pour down my face



You feel my pain as I release each ounce of my suffering onto you

You see the hurt that Ive built up inside

You hear the questions echoing with whys



My endless screams clutter my mind

Feeling beaten down by our past I cant bear repeating

Hurtful, painstaking journey that we are on



Lashing out my despair inside my head

Freeing my demons I find peace- I find rest



Psychotic love- yet stable, normal

Unstoppable

Unbreakable

Outlasting every obstacle

Our powerful force that both of us fear in silence

Questioning its existence- pushing it away

Pretending we dont hear loves cries

Playing safe to prolong the pain from interfering

Cant attach ourselves to the words

Though the screams inside yell ITS LOVE!!!!!!!!!!



In the center of my madness

You become the calm to my storm

You reveal what it is that I need to see

And how it has always been me

The truth we both believe, we uncover to one another

Because of her we find US

What is meant to BE

What will always BE

Finding us, you and me

Closer, happier, and finally where we need to be

TOGETHER

HAPPY

FREE



Written By:

Meghan L Morris

The Freudian

I wrote this in March of 2001

I see my reflection in your narrow, sharp, piercing body
as you shine in the dim light
The decision of your use
holds my life in your hands
I grip you as I contemplate
my tears hit your body and soon fade away
My hands tremble as I touch you
I slowly make you move your way down the spot
and ponder for a deeper connection
Yes or no, No or yes
Decision made
You move in deeper
and slice me open
As my blood suurounds you
fear and panic
Pain, excruciating pain
Tears and hatred
Why did I let you do this to me
Red, gushing, dripping, red
I see the mark you left on me
As I reflect where I might not be
Here alive, happy and free
Free from pain
Free from darkness
Free from those unwanted tears
but most of all
Free from these suicidal tendencies

Written By:

Meghan Leigh