The Freudian

I wrote this in March of 2001

I see my reflection in your narrow, sharp, piercing body
as you shine in the dim light
The decision of your use
holds my life in your hands
I grip you as I contemplate
my tears hit your body and soon fade away
My hands tremble as I touch you
I slowly make you move your way down the spot
and ponder for a deeper connection
Yes or no, No or yes
Decision made
You move in deeper
and slice me open
As my blood suurounds you
fear and panic
Pain, excruciating pain
Tears and hatred
Why did I let you do this to me
Red, gushing, dripping, red
I see the mark you left on me
As I reflect where I might not be
Here alive, happy and free
Free from pain
Free from darkness
Free from those unwanted tears
but most of all
Free from these suicidal tendencies

Written By:

Meghan Leigh

Haunted

Restless nights, tossing and turning
She keeps entering and haunting my dreams
When will this hysteria end
Constantly guarded, uneasy, questioning often
Hatred is not what I have for her
But confusion leading to madness
Why can't I erase the thoughts
Why can't It come to an end
When she and I no longer contemplate one another
And the craziness disappears in the night
Lasting for an eternity
Rest in Peace Ghost
May I gain the power to not allow you to haunt me
May I one day be free
Free from you
Free to live and breath in peaceful serene
Free from madness
Goodbye sweet ghost
You are not wanted or welcome
Goodbye

The Violation

I wrote this in April 2001

A violation of trust
A violation caused from your lust

I am lost within my soul
Searching for a reason why
But I can't seem to find answers
I can't find reason for your madness
All I find is my sadness

I cry from pain
I cry from shame
I cry from anger
I cry from fear
I cry my tears

My tears now burn like acid dripping down my face
They make me sick, these tears I shed
They hurt my sould, darken my heart
They screw with my emotions inside my head

Written By:
Meghan Leigh

Nighttime Lover

Under the starlit night

We lay in each others embrace

My head against your chest

I listen to every beat

My body trembles



I hunger for you

I remember the sweet delicious taste of your moist lips

The craving must be indulged

Tonight take me away to our secret place

That only you and I can explore



Anticipation

Yearning for you and our love

Without resistance I yield to you

Surrender



You work your way down my tender flesh

Exploring every inch of me

We are consumed in experiencing each other

Bodies absorbed in one another

My body arches to feel all of you

Becoming one as we melt together

Electricity flows between us



I am balanced

With you in this moment is where I belong

Volcanic Passion- erupting from within

Released in a massive single explosion

Burning fire, sweet desire, a seductive sin

The air fills with perfume of a sweet love affair



Written By:



Meghan L Morris

Dear Abigail

I wrote this in March of 2001

I said I would always be there
I haven't let you down
I said that I would always care
I haven't forgotten my word
I wish I could have said goodbye
Lord knows I wanted to
He has the same wish for you
and says he loves and misses you too
I wish I could ease his pain
and dry the tears he sheds
But damn he can't let you go
Your memory screws with his head
He cries for you all the time
and never forgets the day
that punk took his momma away
I try to be all that I can
and worry about him always
I will never leave his side
This promise I will keep
I wanted you to know he will be alright
He will fill his void someday
Just remember your baby love you
no matter what you did
Be proud that he has extinguished his rage
and trying turn around from his old ways
Abigail we miss you and the punk he will pay

Written By:

Meghan Leigh

Perserverance

Lord, my spirit is willing,
But my flesh is so weak;
God, every day I cry out to you,
Yet I don’t hear you speak.

I’ve been beaten so many times.
You know what I’ve been through;
I can’t overcome this giant.
Yet it’s the only thing I must do.

I fought this trial too many times.
I used all the strength in me;
Yet I lost in every battle,
And once again I’m not free.

Lord, I’m tempted to just call it quits,
And lay here on the ground;
I will let the giant win again.
I have fought too many rounds.

As I am now at my lowest,
Tears flow down my cheeks;
I cry out to God again,
“Jesus, I am just too weak!”

Suddenly I felt my body
Being lifted up by my Lord;
He helped me back on my feet,
And said, “Lets do this once more.”

I stood up to that giant,
And fought as hard as I could;
He used old tactics to make me give up.
Yet he only thought I would.

I was determined to not back down.
I had been here long enough;
It’s not the number of times I get hit.
It’s the number of times I get up.

Beauty for Ashes

Beauty For Ashes
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what you've done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings

Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound Ive been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

My Head

Went to the doctor again today because unfortunately I stil lhave my headache. They still dont know what is wrong with me and are starting me on a new round of meds. The good thing is they are not putting me back on narcotics (which I am so thankful for). I have an appointment with a neurologist who specializes in Headaches and the brain. I will see him a month from today. So now I will get another opinion and hopefully some answers. They may end up sending me back to my neurologist that did my neck surgery to see if I am just having something flare up with my neck again. I will keep everyone posted but I still don't know what is really wrong.

I suffer from migraines so headaches normally aren't a big deal to me. But about three weeks ago I got a headache that was out of character right after I had just gotten over a horrible migraine. I have had this headache for three weeks now. Sometimes it is a dull annoying pain more than anything else and other times it is immense pain. My really started to worry me is that I started getting dizzy, light headed, my vision at times is blurry, I feel like i am on a boat sometimes at sea when I am sitting perfectly still, I have almost blacked out completely about 6 times but the room goes black then I am fine. Yesterday the pain reached the worse it has been since the onset of this headache. Today it was still there when I woke up but I had already decided I needed to get this thing checked out. It could be serious it could not be.

I went to the Dr. today. They are going to start me on a new round of muscle-relaxers and pain killers that are non-drowsy so I can still function at work. This has been a major problem since the things I have now make me pass out and tylenol and advil have not been cutting it. They think and are treating it right now as a muscle-tension headache, that is why they say i have had it for 3 weeks with episodes of unbearable pain. Many things could contribute, stress, migraines, my neck injury etc but my Dr. stated if I don't have good improvement over the next week he wants me to go to my neurosurgeon for further analysis because it could be something more severe related to my neck injury or worse, something with my brain. He doesn't want to jump to either of those two conclusions but can not rule them out at this time either. Keep me in your prayers, I am just hoping it is a muscle tension headache, i take the meds get better, get off the meds and go about life. we shall see.

I just recently had to go back to the doctor because my neck was killing me, I am up for my surgery that I am supposed to have every three years but we wanted to try another round of meds before consulting the surgeon again. So yes this issue could be related to that. I am not one that likes to take pain medicine. I live in constant pain ever since my neck injury but I will not take anything unless i just can't tolerate it. Many times the highest pain medicine makes me really really sick but they have put me on lower doses of less potent drugs so that I can still manage to live my life. But I really do not want to live on pain killers. So we will see what this does and I will follow the doctors orders but I can't wait to be in a place where I am back to an as needed basis, which is pretty minimal.