My heart is heavy

My heart is heavy.  I hate that certain circumstances bring revelation.  I can’t even begin to express how this feels.  You want to learn to make the most of every day.  To tell and show others how much the mean to you.  To make an impact on other’s lives so that you leave a legacy behind.  But you don’t want to be reminded of these things while knowing Jesus is calling someone home and soon they will leave you and join Him.  Wishing death didn’t impact the living as much as it does.  Wanting to learn to take out the hurt and rejoice with another life going to the everlasting life.  We all should strive to go and be with Him, in the perfectness He has prepared for us.  But while in our human flesh, we are weak and we grieve and selfishly wish to keep those we love and care for with us.  How to you come in agreement that time is what it is and when he calls we freely give.  My heart is heavy.

Beauty from Ashes...So I rise

I recently changed my url and my title of my blog. Beauty from Ashes...So I rise..
This is something that just speaks to what God has done in my life. Throughout the years He has really been showing me that my struggles and trials were not in vain and that He can and will use my story, my testimony for his greater good. I recently had the chance to share part of my testimony at the kick of for our Women's Bible Study event. Pastor Laurie truly blessed me by asking me to share and let me tell you GOD WAS GLORIFIED through all the women who shared. I am so proud of each of them and their willingness to be courageous and transparent. He has created in me a new person.

In Loving Memory--- MkD

It’s funny how she just pops in my mind. There are so many days, so many moments that I think of her. Throughout the years I would check out her face book, see how she was doing, and send her a little note whatever. I was always curious; she just seemed to have a wonderful life. She was entertaining, she was stunning, and I missed the close friendship we once had. Just like many things and many people in life, you lose touch but it doesn’t take away the importance of that person, or the impact they had on your life. I loved how once upon a time, we were vulnerable, we shared our innermost thoughts and feelings, and we laughed and cried together. I have caught myself crying many times over her in the last 2.5 months. It just doesn’t seem like reality, I can’t wrap my head around her being gone.


Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we could tell those who have left us how much we care, how much people miss you, how much you impacted so many lives. I wish she could look down and read what people say about her, I wish she could feel the tears and the sadness that is left behind because she no longer exists in this world. I wish she could have felt how much people really loved her, how much better she made each of us, how we desperately want her to know, it’s just not the same without her. I know she lives on in so many of us, but I wish she just lived on.

Why

you have been on my mind a lot recently. I have been blessed with you visiting me in my dreams. Though the years got away from us, I just held such a special place for you in my heart. You were just one of those people that made you happy, that brought joy and laughter into your life. I love your spunky personality, you captivated me. I know so many people miss you, God knows I do. I heard this song and couldn't help but cry for you. I still can't get my head around it all, but I know that you are soaring and your soul is finally at peace. Miss you MKD!!! You must have been in a Place so dark You couldn't feel the light Reachin' for you through That stormy cloud Now here we are Gathered in our little hometown This can't be the way You meant to draw a crowd [Chorus] Oh why, that's what I keep asking Was there anything I could've Said or done Oh, I had no clue you were Masking A troubled soul, God only knows What went wrong and why You would leave the stage In the middle of a song Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen As a seventeen-year-old Rounding third to score the Winning run You always played with passion No matter what the game When you took the stage You'd shine just like the sun [Chorus] Oh why, that's what I keep asking Was there anything I could've Said or done Oh, I had no clue you were Masking A troubled soul, God only knows What went wrong and why You would leave the stage In the middle of a song Now the oak trees are swaying In the early autumn breeze A golden sun is shining on my face Through tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing This old world really ain't that Bad of a place Oh why, there's no comprehending And who am I to try to Judge or explain Oh, but I do have one Burning question Who told you life wasn't Worth the fight They were wrong, they lied Now you're gone and we cry 'Cause it's not like you to Walk away In the middle of a song Your beautiful song Your absolutely beautiful song

Tangeled Up Mess

I think back on the last two months and how completely broken I have felt at times. The roller coaster I have been on just didn’t want to stop and I felt so lost in the mess at times. This undoing has been the slow unraveling of everything I held close. You’d think by now with the life I have lived I would be used to the crushing; this one caught me off guard. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father. He is bringing meaning back to life; he is bringing beauty from ashes. I wish I could cling to Him when I am not falling to apart, I am learning but the desperation for Him is what is so beautiful in my tangled up mess. This is why I enjoy the crushing, though painful, I feel the presence of God more than ever. I survive only because he holds my hand; He untangles this messy life and catches me when I fall.

Mason Jar, any Jar.....

I am obsessed. I really want to be creative and when I see stuff like this I want to redo my entire house. This will be on the Tarno project list before long. I love jars and all the cool things you can do with them.

For someone whom I recently met

This is for every girl out there in her "single" time. Pray for your future and remember these words. Thought I would share this for someone whom I recently have had the pleasure getting to know.

Safe Place

Oh how my soul longs to be here. To hear the silence of the world and let my soul run free. Oh how I long to listen to the waves crash against the coast, to feel the breeze in the air, and to feel closer to God more than any other place on earth. This is my safe place. The place I go to unwind and decompress. The place I long for. It's the place I feel at peace, the place where I feel warm, cozy, and free. Oh how my soul longs to feel the dew from the oceans mist. To feel the cleansing of my soul that only this place can bring. This is my escape, this is my oasis. Heaven is beyond my comprehension, but to me the ocean is a tiny glimpse of what He has for me in enternity. I desperately wish I was here, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin and going to a place that I can process and cleanse, a place of restoration. This is where I feel and live His beautiful creations. To rest in my Heavenly Father. Oh how my soul longs to be here.

This is where my soul resides when it’s not out frolicking.

P.S. I love you

I am usually not one for sappy girly movies. Sure I like the occassional romantic comedy now and again but I don't rush off to see the latest "Chick Flick" I recently rewatched P.S. I love you for the millioneth time. This one just does it for me. There is something my souls connects to. I remember in the beginning of the movie just feeling like, wow this is really how Troy and I are at times. The first time I saw this movie, I truly was overwhelmed with emotions. I thought how many times I have had a disagreement with Troy over the silliest things. I can't imagine loosing him, I can't imagine trying to start a life without him in it. This movie just makes me think, it makes me appreciate and cherish my husband. There is so much raw, real emotion in this movie. But one thing it makes me know deep down inside of me....I will love Troy until I no longer live. LOVE YOU 'TIL THE END I just want to see you When you're all alone I just want to catch you if I can I just want to be there When the morning light explodes On your face it radiates I can't escape I love you 'till the end I just want to tell you nothing You don't want to hear All I want is for you to say Why don't you just take me Where I've never been before I know you want to hear me Catch my breath I love you 'till the end I just want to be there When we're caught in the rain I just want to see you laugh not cry I just want to feel you When the night puts on its cloak I'm lost for words don't tell me All I can say I love you 'till the end

Ode to Joy

It truly was an ode to the joy I felt in my heart. I walk into my parents house on Monday April 16, my 31st birthday. I had had a great birthday so far, nothing out of the norm, a good day at work and a great word from God at Soul Sister's that night. I had many wish me blessings, and make me feel special. The one thing I was most looking forward to that day had nothing to do with my birthday but everything to do with the two angels God has blessed my life with. I don't know what it feels like to be a mom, but I know how amazing, how blessed, how rewarding it is to be an AUNTIE and that night I just wanted to have those little arms wrapped around me, to see their smiles and hear their laughs. These two boys light up my heart, as do all of my nieces and nephews. Their is something about each of them that just overwhelms me with love.

Joshie ran to me and said Happy Birthday Auntie as he jumped in my arms. I gave him a big hug and kiss and told him this was the best birthday I could have, and he said if you think this is great just wait what I have for you, I am going to serenade you later with a song. Then comes Braeden aka Mini me and he jumps in my arms and I get to love on him too and wish him a happy birthday. I was just so content with being in the presence of these two little boys.

Later, after my mom got home, Josh got out his Violin (which he just started lessons on) and played Ode to Joy. It was beautiful and I was blown away with how good it was, how well he played knowing he was just learning. He did great and it was beautiful. It is moments like these that you will treasure forever. Those sweet tender moments, when kids melt your heart and really define ODE TO JOY.....