Beauty from Ashes...So I Rise
Let your soul lead you in the right direction then all of your life will follow you happily. Let your soul walk you down the path of love, joy, and oneness with God and your journey home will always be a delightful one even if you do get tangled in the leash from time to time
March 27, 2013
TORN
In light of the recent news I keep having to ask myself when will I be ready to take a stand. I struggle so much with Gay rights and Gay Marriage. I am not a homophobe, I believe in love and people’s right to love who they please but I believe in the Bible and how God designed marriage. I hate that the world has come to a place that if you stand for “Christian” beliefs then you must hate everyone, and don’t support anyone. Why can’t I believe in what I know God views as right and not be looked at as some evil, Bible thumping maniac that is full of hatred towards others. When did we evolve to a society where you either support us or you are against us. I choose not to support, but I don’t hate you for wanting the desires of your own hearts and lives to be fulfilled either. I have chosen not to stand against you, not to oppose you and speak unkindly of you, not to spread judgment or hatred, but I am not standing up for you either. So that takes me back to my original thought, when do I chose to stand on one side or the other. When do my beliefs convict me enough to stand against what I don’t believe God created. How can I stand and still show love and compassion. How will my friends that I love no matter what their lifestyle, understand how I feel and understand that I believe in Biblical marriage, I believe that God created us to be a man and a wife but I don’t look down on you for choosing another way. It’s a tough situation and I feel that everyone has the right to their own beliefs but believing one way does not give you the right to be ugly, hateful, or take action against those who view things differently. Just as I don’t want to be persecuted or hated for what I feel, I don’t wish that upon my fellow brother or sister. To each their own, I only have to account for my life when that day comes. It just breaks my heart that this topic has caused so much evilness, it truly divides us. My heart is torn, it has been for years because I love and respect my friends and family in the Gay community and I look at them just as I would look at anyone. I feel that their emotions and love are real and are to be respected but my spiritual side forces me to look at it from another side. I don’t love them any less than I do my straight friends or family. I wish we all could agree to disagree but this world has gone too far to HELL for us to be civilized people. TORN…………….
March 26, 2013
March 22, 2013
A year later
In two days it will be a year since she left us here on earth. It seems like a short period but longer at the same time. I still try to wrap my head around it, try to convince myself that her choice was the only choice she felt she had. The psychology behind it baffles me. How do we go through life and surround ourselves with amazing people but yet still go unnoticed. Why don’t we show people our pain, why don’t we let them in as a life line. I struggle with this myself. Sometimes I don’t want other’s opinions or thoughts. I don’t want to have them persistently check in on me. What if what I discuss with them, I find swift healing or find meaningful ways to deal with it, will they let it go. I have been through some things in life that people’s reaction to my situation is carried with them for years, it changes our relationships, judgment comes into play. You not only have to survive through the events, but have to now survive through other people’s feelings or reactions. My thoughts are hard enough, I don’t want to take on other’s. I have had those thoughts of leaving this earth by my own choice, but something always keeps me here. For the longest I didn’t know what it was, but it was the Holy Spirit instilling hope into my life. So many times I think, I wish she would have asked for help but what if she did and it wasn’t received well, or heard with honest ears. I still miss her, I miss seeing the life that seemed so full of joy and adventure. Until we meet again, RIP my sweet friend.
March 18, 2013
Refining
Thankful that even though sometimes I struggle through and it takes some hard work and letting go of my pride, being the Woman God wants me to be is rewarding. I may not always do what He asks of me immediately, but when I do He shines through and really shows me that being obedient is so much more fulfilling. Thank you Jesus for always refining me.
March 14, 2013
I am blessed
So blessed with the children God has placed in my life. I am grateful that though I am not a mom, I still have tons of babies to love and grateful that through the tears and the heartache God has revealed that he has already blessed me with so much. Beautiful eyes, a tender heart and a smile that's very sweet. Before you came into my life, it was very incomplete. You always make me happy...And y...ou make my world go around. In everything we do together joy can always be found. I just want you to know and hope you can see that you're a very precious person that God has shared with me. Boys and girls 20 altogether I'll love them all forever and ever…. (in chronological order)… Johnise, Buddy, Rebekah, Brendon, Breana, Briley, Bailey, Mylie, Jacie, Kenna, Joshua, Braeden, Mia, Jack “LJ”, Briggs, Jarrett, Miley, Kaden, Elliana, and Bryn (22 yrs to 1 month old)
November 14, 2012
My heart is heavy
My heart is heavy. I hate that certain circumstances bring revelation. I can’t even begin to express how this feels. You want to learn to make the most of every day. To tell and show others how much the mean to you. To make an impact on other’s lives so that you leave a legacy behind. But you don’t want to be reminded of these things while knowing Jesus is calling someone home and soon they will leave you and join Him. Wishing death didn’t impact the living as much as it does. Wanting to learn to take out the hurt and rejoice with another life going to the everlasting life. We all should strive to go and be with Him, in the perfectness He has prepared for us. But while in our human flesh, we are weak and we grieve and selfishly wish to keep those we love and care for with us. How to you come in agreement that time is what it is and when he calls we freely give. My heart is heavy.
June 19, 2012
Beauty from Ashes...So I rise
I recently changed my url and my title of my blog. Beauty from Ashes...So I rise..
This is something that just speaks to what God has done in my life. Throughout the years He has really been showing me that my struggles and trials were not in vain and that He can and will use my story, my testimony for his greater good. I recently had the chance to share part of my testimony at the kick of for our Women's Bible Study event. Pastor Laurie truly blessed me by asking me to share and let me tell you GOD WAS GLORIFIED through all the women who shared. I am so proud of each of them and their willingness to be courageous and transparent. He has created in me a new person.
This is something that just speaks to what God has done in my life. Throughout the years He has really been showing me that my struggles and trials were not in vain and that He can and will use my story, my testimony for his greater good. I recently had the chance to share part of my testimony at the kick of for our Women's Bible Study event. Pastor Laurie truly blessed me by asking me to share and let me tell you GOD WAS GLORIFIED through all the women who shared. I am so proud of each of them and their willingness to be courageous and transparent. He has created in me a new person.
In Loving Memory--- MkD
It’s funny how she just pops in my mind. There are so many days, so many moments that I think of her. Throughout the years I would check out her face book, see how she was doing, and send her a little note whatever. I was always curious; she just seemed to have a wonderful life. She was entertaining, she was stunning, and I missed the close friendship we once had. Just like many things and many people in life, you lose touch but it doesn’t take away the importance of that person, or the impact they had on your life. I loved how once upon a time, we were vulnerable, we shared our innermost thoughts and feelings, and we laughed and cried together. I have caught myself crying many times over her in the last 2.5 months. It just doesn’t seem like reality, I can’t wrap my head around her being gone.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we could tell those who have left us how much we care, how much people miss you, how much you impacted so many lives. I wish she could look down and read what people say about her, I wish she could feel the tears and the sadness that is left behind because she no longer exists in this world. I wish she could have felt how much people really loved her, how much better she made each of us, how we desperately want her to know, it’s just not the same without her. I know she lives on in so many of us, but I wish she just lived on.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we could tell those who have left us how much we care, how much people miss you, how much you impacted so many lives. I wish she could look down and read what people say about her, I wish she could feel the tears and the sadness that is left behind because she no longer exists in this world. I wish she could have felt how much people really loved her, how much better she made each of us, how we desperately want her to know, it’s just not the same without her. I know she lives on in so many of us, but I wish she just lived on.
June 5, 2012
Why
you have been on my mind a lot recently. I have been blessed with you visiting me in my dreams. Though the years got away from us, I just held such a special place for you in my heart. You were just one of those people that made you happy, that brought joy and laughter into your life. I love your spunky personality, you captivated me. I know so many people miss you, God knows I do. I heard this song and couldn't help but cry for you. I still can't get my head around it all, but I know that you are soaring and your soul is finally at peace. Miss you MKD!!!
You must have been in a
Place so dark
You couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through
That stormy cloud
Now here we are
Gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way
You meant to draw a crowd
[Chorus]
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song
Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen
As a seventeen-year-old
Rounding third to score the
Winning run
You always played with passion
No matter what the game
When you took the stage
You'd shine just like the sun
[Chorus]
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song
Now the oak trees are swaying
In the early autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts
I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that
Bad of a place
Oh why, there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to
Judge or explain
Oh, but I do have one
Burning question
Who told you life wasn't
Worth the fight
They were wrong, they lied
Now you're gone and we cry
'Cause it's not like you to
Walk away
In the middle of a song
Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

Tangeled Up Mess
I think back on the last two months and how completely broken I have felt at times. The roller coaster I have been on just didn’t want to stop and I felt so lost in the mess at times. This undoing has been the slow unraveling of everything I held close. You’d think by now with the life I have lived I would be used to the crushing; this one caught me off guard. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father. He is bringing meaning back to life; he is bringing beauty from ashes. I wish I could cling to Him when I am not falling to apart, I am learning but the desperation for Him is what is so beautiful in my tangled up mess. This is why I enjoy the crushing, though painful, I feel the presence of God more than ever. I survive only because he holds my hand; He untangles this messy life and catches me when I fall.

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