So I have always been independent, stubborn and my own person. I have a very strong will and feel as though I haven't ever needed anyone. I enjoy those in my life but have been prideful at times that I want them don't need them. It has been nice having friends and relationships but when in a serious relationship I haven't always felt the need. Over the last couple of years God has seriously been pointing out some of my character flaws which I have viewed as strengths. I always thought being an independent woman was what I desired and prided myself on being able to take care of myself and my leadership skills. I am not saying that being your own person is bad, but God keeps pulling on my heart strings, that His design for marriage is me taking the backseat and following my husband's leadership. I know many women cringe at the word submission but God has revealed his meaning to me and I am learning that though I have fought it in the past, His design is perfect.
More and more I feel the desire to have my husband be the leader of our home, I feel this burning inside that I truly want him to be the man God has for him to be. So many times I have looked at him and wondered why hasn't he fully evolved to be that man and sadly the revelation has been I AM THE ONE STOPPING HIM!!! I am a take control and need to be in control person. But that strength has now become a weakness in my marriage. My husband should be the leader and me his helper. And God is making my heart desperately need that.
I serve an awesome God and know that me admitting that I need my husband to be the leader is just the first step in the process of aligning our marriage by God's perfect design.
Thank you God for making my heart long for Troy to be the leader. I know I have a long road ahead but am grateful for the revelation.
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