TORN

In light of the recent news I keep having to ask myself when will I be ready to take a stand. I struggle so much with Gay rights and Gay Marriage. I am not a homophobe, I believe in love and people’s right to love who they please but I believe in the Bible and how God designed marriage. I hate that the world has come to a place that if you stand for “Christian” beliefs then you must hate everyone, and don’t support anyone. Why can’t I believe in what I know God views as right and not be looked at as some evil, Bible thumping maniac that is full of hatred towards others. When did we evolve to a society where you either support us or you are against us. I choose not to support, but I don’t hate you for wanting the desires of your own hearts and lives to be fulfilled either. I have chosen not to stand against you, not to oppose you and speak unkindly of you, not to spread judgment or hatred, but I am not standing up for you either. So that takes me back to my original thought, when do I chose to stand on one side or the other. When do my beliefs convict me enough to stand against what I don’t believe God created. How can I stand and still show love and compassion. How will my friends that I love no matter what their lifestyle, understand how I feel and understand that I believe in Biblical marriage, I believe that God created us to be a man and a wife but I don’t look down on you for choosing another way. It’s a tough situation and I feel that everyone has the right to their own beliefs but believing one way does not give you the right to be ugly, hateful, or take action against those who view things differently. Just as I don’t want to be persecuted or hated for what I feel, I don’t wish that upon my fellow brother or sister. To each their own, I only have to account for my life when that day comes. It just breaks my heart that this topic has caused so much evilness, it truly divides us. My heart is torn, it has been for years because I love and respect my friends and family in the Gay community and I look at them just as I would look at anyone. I feel that their emotions and love are real and are to be respected but my spiritual side forces me to look at it from another side. I don’t love them any less than I do my straight friends or family. I wish we all could agree to disagree but this world has gone too far to HELL for us to be civilized people. TORN…………….

Waiting

http://www.facebook.com/RefineUs

A year later

In two days it will be a year since she left us here on earth. It seems like a short period but longer at the same time. I still try to wrap my head around it, try to convince myself that her choice was the only choice she felt she had. The psychology behind it baffles me. How do we go through life and surround ourselves with amazing people but yet still go unnoticed. Why don’t we show people our pain, why don’t we let them in as a life line. I struggle with this myself. Sometimes I don’t want other’s opinions or thoughts. I don’t want to have them persistently check in on me. What if what I discuss with them, I find swift healing or find meaningful ways to deal with it, will they let it go. I have been through some things in life that people’s reaction to my situation is carried with them for years, it changes our relationships, judgment comes into play. You not only have to survive through the events, but have to now survive through other people’s feelings or reactions. My thoughts are hard enough, I don’t want to take on other’s. I have had those thoughts of leaving this earth by my own choice, but something always keeps me here. For the longest I didn’t know what it was, but it was the Holy Spirit instilling hope into my life. So many times I think, I wish she would have asked for help but what if she did and it wasn’t received well, or heard with honest ears. I still miss her, I miss seeing the life that seemed so full of joy and adventure. Until we meet again, RIP my sweet friend.

Refining

Thankful that even though sometimes I struggle through and it takes some hard work and letting go of my pride, being the Woman God wants me to be is rewarding. I may not always do what He asks of me immediately, but when I do He shines through and really shows me that being obedient is so much more fulfilling. Thank you Jesus for always refining me.

I am blessed

So blessed with the children God has placed in my life. I am grateful that though I am not a mom, I still have tons of babies to love and grateful that through the tears and the heartache God has revealed that he has already blessed me with so much. Beautiful eyes, a tender heart and a smile that's very sweet. Before you came into my life, it was very incomplete. You always make me happy...And y...ou make my world go around. In everything we do together joy can always be found. I just want you to know and hope you can see that you're a very precious person that God has shared with me. Boys and girls 20 altogether I'll love them all forever and ever…. (in chronological order)… Johnise, Buddy, Rebekah, Brendon, Breana, Briley, Bailey, Mylie, Jacie, Kenna, Joshua, Braeden, Mia, Jack “LJ”, Briggs, Jarrett, Miley, Kaden, Elliana, and Bryn (22 yrs to 1 month old)