Scentsy

As some of you may know as many of you don't I am now a Scentsy Consultant. I am excited about this opportunity but most of all I love the product.

What is Scentsy?
Scentsy Warmers use a low-watt bulb to melt specially formulated wax slowly, maximizing the fragrance time of the Scentsy Bar or Scentsy Brick.

With no flame, soot, smoke, or lead, the Scentsy system is a safe way to enjoy more than 80 delightful Scentsy fragrances.

If you are interested in the product, hosting a party or ordering, please contact me or go to my website:

https://meghantarnowski.scentsy.us

Look for the new Warmer in January. I am so excited, this is by far my favorite Scentsy Warmer Yet...Margo In January you can receive 10% off this warmer.

Eight altogether I'll love them all forever and ever

Children are God’s greatest gift. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have wanted to be an Auntie because I was not someone they would have been proud of or could look up to. When my first nephew came into this world, his little being completely transformed my heart. I had this burning desire to be better, to be more than I was and to create a new me. How could these little creatures stir up so much desire in me, how could he give me so much when I had nothing to give him. The day Joshua came into my life, I felt a love I have never known. He was simply perfect, and he was a gift to so many. I now have 8 nieces and nephews. I may not have known all of them from the day they were born but since the moment they have entered my life, they have changed my heart forever. They truly are God’s greatest gifts. Each of them has their own personality and each of them hold a special place in my heart. Their laughter and giggles lighten up any day.

Beautiful eyes, a tender heart and a smile that's very sweet. Before you came into my life, it was very incomplete. You always make me happy...And you make my world go around in everything we do together joy can always be found. I just want you to know and hope you can see that you're a very precious person that God has shared with me. My nephews and nieces, eight altogether. I'll love them all forever and ever.

Joshua and Braeden


Kenna, Breana, Mylie, Briley


Mia


Briggs

I am, You are

Read this somewhere and thought of the man I love...TT

I am a rose, you are my thorns,
clutching to me, protecting me.

I am the sun, you are my rays,
helping me to shine and to be all that I can.

I am a lake, you are my water,
filling me with ideas, dreams, and hopes for the future.

I am a tree, you are my leaves,
sharing who and what I am
and becoming an important part of my life.

I am a heart, you are my beat,
beating rhythmically to my happiness,
my fear, my sadness, my excitement


I am me and you are with me,
to share all that I am,
to share life, love, and happiness.

What Happens in Vegas

Troy turned 40 this year so of course we had to celebrate in stiyle. We went to Vegas along with some of our favorite people, Kati, Kate, Karissa, Robert, Kyle and Kylee.



I was a virgin to the strip and I have to say I am now addicted. The second we stepped off the plane back into boring ole Tejas, I told Troy I was ready to go back to Vegas!!! There is so much to take in, so many things to do and see and no matter how much you don't sleep you still can't take it all in. So there will be another Vegas trip in my future.

We had a great time and enjoyed many laughs. The old saying What Happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, well I am glad that for our experience there that saying need not apply!! We partied with the best of them but I don't think I have laughed so hard in my life. Riding the Duece was an adventure all on it's own with Memories I don't think we will ever forget.




We can
We can't even qalk
we can't even walk thE strip with alcohol ...and they walkeds from. kentucky
cannot operate machinery.. heavy blackberries now...big finger...little button
ridin' the deuce
how far is McKinney?...what do I have two kidneys?....hahahahaha
where u going to get it put at??? lol...
that's what she said
stop
I'm not doing that
we started with a guy and all of a suidden it was a girl
boob check
Meghan.... Vegas....enough said...
conversations of a 1 mile ride on the deuce.....
comments...what??? stolen blackberry!
its only fun if u make noises while ur doing it...

We had a great drunk trip back from Downtown to MGM. I will never forget this trip. We saw Zummanity which is the sensual side of Crique de Soli and it was amazing, very interesting, funny and quite entertaining. We had VIP access to the Ghostbar, which is just one big blur but all and all we had a great time and can't wait to go back. Glad we got to "GO BIG" for the hubby and celebrate his birthday. Good times!!

Finding Peace

It is so great when you can find peace with your past. I went through Pathways and that was my number one struggle, I let my past define me and control me. Once you rid yourself of all the negativity you will be amazed at the work God can do in you. I am so grateful I choose his definition of me now, that I am that God fearing woman that desires to live.

I have recently come to a strange road in my life. Where some people I thought could never be a part of me have reoccured in my prayer life. You may sever the ties with people, but the ones you truly care for you continue to pray God's will in their lives. Some people I wish never existed in my story, some parts I had cried out to erase, but through God's restoration I have learned that each part of the messy dirty past has made me who I am today. Some of those I will hold in my heart forever. I am so grateful that my broken road God can and will use to His Glory. So I have found that true peace and I am perfectly ok with who I was because its helps me be who I am today and what God will create in me tomorrow.

Pieces by RED.. Reaction by Meghan

Pieces"

I'm here again
A thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your hand,

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole!

I tried so hard! So hard!
I tried so hard!

Then I see your face
I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole
So you can make me whole



I have listened to this song many times in my life and every time I do I am moved. I decided to listen to it on the way to work this morning. My mind was flooded by memories. I remember being a shattered, broken person and trying so hard on my own to make myself whole again but only to be broken and shattered time and time again. Right before I was at my lowest (I guess almost a year prior) I started praying to God to destroy me. At the time I didn't quite know why I was praying that but I just kept begging him to shatter me and I think I was finally aware but not aware that I needed to be so helpless, so hopeless, so broken that I knew I couldn't do it on my own and that God would have to save me. I still can feel the desperation so fresh as if it happened yesterday. I seriously had lost hope and almost gave up on life itself..that I was so unaware that God was simply answering my cries, answering my prayers. Days, weeks and months I started contemplating killing myself just to rid myself of all the pain, the shame, the guilt, the depression, the anxiety and fear, but God was allowing me to feel everything I had previously begged for him to give me.

I feel sometimes that people who have not walked in the darkness can't fully understand how amazing it feels, how freeing it feels, how blessed it feels to walk in the light. The desperation for answers and for healing, the desperation to feel something other than brokenness and destruction. My GOD is so amazing, so loving so much more than I deserve but He is the only answer...He may have used other outlets to get to me other than church but one thing I know and one thing I overwhelmingly feel when I hear this song is...WE CAN NOT FIX THIS ON OUR OWN>>>WHEN YOU ARE DESPERATE AND DESTROYED THAT IS THE PERFECT TIME FOR GOD TO USE YOU AND HEAL YOU AND CREATE IN YOU A NEW LIFE. HE RESTORES LIFE, HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN PICK UP THOSE PIECES AND MAKE YOU WHOLE. I am no longer lost, I no longer am meaningless, I am the daughter of a King, the daughter of the most high and the most righteous and I have been given another shot at life because my Heavenly Father saves!!!!

One of my favorite poems--from Love Jones

It is the color of light
the shape of sound high in the evergreens
It lies suspended in hills,
A blue linei n a red sky

I am looking at sound

I am hearing the brightness of high bluffs and almond tress
I am tasting the wilderness of lakes, rivers and streams
Caught in an angle of song

I am remembering water
that glows in the dawn
The motion tumbled in earth
Life hidden in mounds
I am dancing a bright beam of light

I am remembering love

Heroes among men

My mom and dad are my everything. I could not have asked for better parents. If I am half the mother that my mom is my children will be very blessed. My mother has loved me unconditionally, prayed for me, encouraged me, accepted me and supported me. When I was not in the right place of my life, she always accepted me and loved me. My mother is a subservient wife, she honors my father and is a GODLY woman who serves her Lord daily. She never gave up hope in God and knew that though I has stepped out of his grace, He would not forsake me. She fell to her knees and prayed fervently for God to save me. I tease her now and tell her I put her through so much so she could become a mentor to young women. I can't thank her enough for showing me an amazing example of a wife and mother. No matter how bad things got in my life, she was one person I could count on. My heart breaks knowing what she has suffered by my actions, words and life. I owe her more than I could ever repay. But God had a purpose greater than both of our knowledge for our suffering. I love her deeply and am happy to have a close relationship with her. I can now call her mother and friend which at one point I never imagined.

My father is the perfect man in my eyes. He is the unattainable man. He is a man of honor and dignity. He is a man of God and his personality shines bright. He stops at nothing to make his children happy, smile and feel loved. He has been my provider, protector, laughter and the first man I ever loved. He loves his children and his wife with all he has. He loves the Lord with every ounce of his being. It has been an honor to see my daddy transformed by our gracious Heavenly Father. I can't say enough about him.

My parents have not only loved their children beyond measure but have poured love out to our friends, their friends, family and anyone they come in contact with. I consider it a great honor and privilege to be the daughter of Donnie Philip and Robin Morris.

Troy, my husband is another one of my heroes. He will always be a star in my sky. The one I run to, the one that wipes my tears away, makes me laugh, makes me proud. He has been such a strong presence in my life. I would not be where I am today without his love, care, concern and support. He sees more in me than I see in myself and always wants more for me than I have wanted for myself. He is my best friend. He helped me realize that there was more to life than the existence I had settled for. He helped me through some of the hardest things I have faced. He believed in me when I had lost all hope.

My brother Jonathan is another one of my heroes. I need to tell him more often how much I look up to him and admire him. I love him beyond measure. He has been my hero and role model since I was little. There was nothing that he couldn't do. Today he is serving the Lord and sharing Christ with many through his ministry. He is an amazing father to my two angels who I adore and love with all my heart. He is a great husband to my sissy in love. I am proud of who he is and what he stands for.

God Fearing

I couldn't even begin to explain how you get a contract in Pathways. What I can say is that everyone has negatively claimed something over themselves. When I was broken and beat down I always considered myself to be "Damaged Goods" I wore this title and my life reflected what I said about myself. When I went through Pathways I fought so hard to rid myself of the negativity and my past that I constantly defined myself by. I lost the damaged goods and became Meghan, THE GOD FEARING WOMAN THAT WANTS TO LIVE

Finding God again was in that training was my saving grace. At the time I didn't realize how significant my contract was in a biblical sense. I know God showed up and saved me when I was in Pathways, but he also placed something in my heart for me to claim for myself that was of Him, I am still learning what God fearing truly means but am excited to see what scripture reveals to me through this process.

I used to be crippled and scarred by my past but I can now look back tenderly and gently at all that I have been through. I look with my soul and see that each experience was necessary to bring me home to my Saviour.

Proverbs 1:29-31 (New International Version)

29 Since they hated knowledge
and did not choose to fear the LORD,
30 since they would not accept my advice
and spurned my rebuke,
31 they will eat the fruit of their ways
and be filled with the fruit of their schemes

Proverbs 3:3 (New International Version)

3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 3:5-7 (New International Version)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. [a]
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

Proverbs 8:13-14 (New International Version)

13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil;
I hate pride and arrogance,
evil behavior and perverse speech.
14 Counsel and sound judgment are mine;
I have understanding and power
Proverbs 14:16 (New International Version)

16 A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil,
but a fool is hotheaded and reckless.

Proverbs 9:10-11 (New International Version)

10 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,
and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
11 For through me your days will be many,
and years will be added to your life.

Proverbs 10:27 (New International Version)

27 The fear of the LORD adds length to life,
but the years of the wicked are cut short.


Proverbs 14:27 (New International Version)

27 The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life,
turning a man from the snares of death.

Proverbs 15:33 (New International Version)

33 The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, [a]
and humility comes before honor.
Psalm 34:11-22 (New International Version)

11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

A Blessing from God

We felt lost at church for awhile. We loved worship service, felt God bring truth to our lives through Pastor Kevin and adored our praise and worship team but always felt like something was missing. I know deep down both of our hearts hungered for a real deep connection with other Christians who are actively seeking God and fellowship with others. We took the first step and signed up for "Experience" at our Church.

The morning of Experience I didn't expect anything significant or life changing, just thought we would find out information about how to get plugged in. (That was me making God small again) I had a rough night the night before, didn't feel very well, and we had decided to skip church service because of how I felt. Troy was supposed to be at work but both of our hearts felt led to attend Experience regardless of the circumstances. God had a tremendous blessing in store for us that we were completely unaware of. We were greeted and led to a table where they asked us to sit. We started talking with the table leaders and instantly felt a connection. As we shared with them and everyone else at our table we felt at ease and both shared the longing in our hearts for meaningful relationships with other Christians. We shared that we both were Protocal Children and within the last 5 plus years had become followers of Jesus Christ again.
Throughout my relationship and struggles within my relationship I have always felt that I have had amazing friends that I can rely on and talk to. They have helped me beyond measure but I have always wanted Troy to have a sphere of influence that were Godly men who could reveal God's truth to him through friendships. I know I need that too but I felt Troy is in greater need than I. After leaving Experience and talking later that night with my husband, we both knew meeting Melanie and Don we part of God's plan for us. I have to pause and give God the glory. He knew the desires of our hearts, he knew what we needed and He delivered without us asking Him. Is He faithful and good or what??????
Since meeting Melanie and Don we have been attending their small group and have been blessed with amazing Brothers and Sisters in Christ. We have desperately needed this in our lives. God met my needs before I confessed them to Him. We have gained so much through His provisions. We both are truly excited to grow with our small group as we grow closer to God.
We have come to realize that we don't just need our vertical relationship with God to get through life and have a healthy marriage, we need others that are in our body of Christ. We desperately need people to guide us, inspire us, encourage us, pray for us, mentor us. A support system with other Christians, people we can be transparent with, laugh with, cry with , confide in and hold us accountable. We need those friendship through the good and when Satan attacks and tries to destroy us. We have truly been blessed and I am beyond grateful for God's provision in our lives. We are surrounded by wonderfully amazing men and women that we feel comfortable with, accepted and loved.

Hebrews 10:23-25 (New International Version)
23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching

Acts 2:42-47 (New International Version)

The Fellowship of the Believers
42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

God's perfect design..one of my wow moments

So I have always been independent, stubborn and my own person. I have a very strong will and feel as though I haven't ever needed anyone. I enjoy those in my life but have been prideful at times that I want them don't need them. It has been nice having friends and relationships but when in a serious relationship I haven't always felt the need. Over the last couple of years God has seriously been pointing out some of my character flaws which I have viewed as strengths. I always thought being an independent woman was what I desired and prided myself on being able to take care of myself and my leadership skills. I am not saying that being your own person is bad, but God keeps pulling on my heart strings, that His design for marriage is me taking the backseat and following my husband's leadership. I know many women cringe at the word submission but God has revealed his meaning to me and I am learning that though I have fought it in the past, His design is perfect.

More and more I feel the desire to have my husband be the leader of our home, I feel this burning inside that I truly want him to be the man God has for him to be. So many times I have looked at him and wondered why hasn't he fully evolved to be that man and sadly the revelation has been I AM THE ONE STOPPING HIM!!! I am a take control and need to be in control person. But that strength has now become a weakness in my marriage. My husband should be the leader and me his helper. And God is making my heart desperately need that.

I serve an awesome God and know that me admitting that I need my husband to be the leader is just the first step in the process of aligning our marriage by God's perfect design.

Thank you God for making my heart long for Troy to be the leader. I know I have a long road ahead but am grateful for the revelation.

Freedom isn't free- we sacrifice daily

I saw a post on Facebook today with the Lines to the American Pledge of Allegiance. I was reminded how once upon a time in a different world, it was normal to go to school and pledge your allegiance every morning. America has gotten so off course. We violate other's rights in order to protect the rights of someone else. As long as every other religion except Christianity is protected, we are not violating rights.

Since when did America shift to a Pagan country, where we completely ignore the principles and laws that were set in place to appease the few that feel violated. We are constantly loosing our freedoms, our Constitutional Rights because of groups feeling violated. I will pray for our nation and for the leaders of our nation but one thing is for sure, we have lost our way America.


We've become a nation made up of very small humans playing God. As a result, many people treat religion more like a hobby than a deeper spiritual connection with the TRUE GOD. It's a free-flowing, do-as-you-please, spiritual smorgasbord where they pick and choose what they want to believe in and when they will believe it. A little dab of truth here, a little dab there but ultimately no real truth. As someone has said, "God created man in His own image; then man returned the favor."

Our country is now being treated just as people treat their religion. We will keep these constitutional rights because they don't offend, or violate this group but we will change the context of this to suit our needs. I am grateful to be an American and live in a country the is so-called "FREE" but I am tired of all the liberties we are sacrificing and will continue to sacrifice. We need to pray for our country.

Another thing that erks at me is those who want this country to remain free from terrorist threats, want our borders to be safe, want our Country to be protected against war within our own walls, but disrespects and disgraces the very own soldiers who are out there fighting. Show some respect, quite mouthing off about how we shouldn't be at war and thank those who sacrifice their lives, their time, and their love ones. I am proud of all our soldiers and am forever indebted to those who serve. You are honorable men and women that deserve to be praised.

Inside my heart

I hear my heart beat now that I've found these feelings that were repressed inside
Everything I need I see in him
Visions of him drifting helplessly in and out of my dreams and reality
I can't let the chance to love him pass me by

I am falling like a star into him
He is all my arms want to hold
He is all my heart wants to know
I can see the sun and the moon in his eyes
When I look at him I am staring at beauty

I am scared, so afraid to show I care
I feel like I am placing my heart in his hands
Giving him a piece of me
Giving velnerability

But faith will lead love where it has to go
Love will be the gift I give myself
Though I see us loving one another
Two souls merging together
I will wait for him inside my heart

Finding Joy in the Little Things

The last two days I have had the pleasure of spending time with my two nephews. They always seem to put a smile on my face and fill my heart with joy and laughter. As I observed and interacted with them, I was reminded to find joy in the simple things, the small things in life.

We went to the pool Sunday after church and it was just me in the boys. They both want your attention but you have to learn how to share time with each since they are both so different when it comes to what they want to do in the pool. We laughed so hard.

Joshua wanted me to throw him and as I would lift him at times he would just fall face forward or to the side, then we would both start cracking up and try again. Each time was different if it wasn't succesful Josh coined it "that one was the worst ever, but it's ok Auntie you can keep trying so you learn how to get better at it" We would have a good throw and he would turn to me with such excitement and say "you did it but lets keep going so you can be even better" So we went back in forth with a successful toss or him falling off my hands but we giggled so much. He looked at me and said "this is so hilarious!!"

Braeden then had his one on one time and he wanted me to squat and he would stand on my legs and hold my hands, he kept cracking up because I was slippery from suntan lotion and he would slide around. He told me it was a fun ride and he would giggle everytime he would slide. We both cracked up.

Then later after my mother got to the pool, Josh kept saying "Gangan, hey Gangan, Gangan (which is Torie's mother's name from the boys)" I turned and looked at him thinking really nothing of it and he died laughing saying "Auntie I kept calling you Gangan that's silly you are not Gangan" Mom, me, Josh and Braeden just cracked up.

Later Braeden asked "oh we can't do that because we are little but you can because you are a parent?" I laughed and said "I am not a parent and said if I am where are my kids" Braeden said "we are your kids silly" and I laughed and said "yep you are my kids but you are my nephews so that doesn't make me a parent but an Aunt" He just started giggling.

We had a great day with many more laughs. It is great to just have good ole fun with kids. They are so innocent and God gifts them with sillyness, laughter and a way of making the cares of the world melt away.

Where does creativity go

So throughout my life I considered myself to be creative and somewhat inspired. I loved to draw and I loved to write. But some where along the way I lost the creativity and the inspiration. So my question to myself is where did it go? I wonder if there is somewhere deep inside of me that it stays hidden.

I used to be able to pour my feelings onto paper, I used to be able to poetically speak on what was inside of me. I really miss being able to voice my thoughts and have a written account. I know there is something still there. Many times when I drive I am flooded with things, but can't remember what it was when I have a second to sit down in write. I wish I could tape record my thoughts!!!

I want to find this person again, the artist in me. So for now I guess I will pray that if this is lost inside of me that God delivers it to my consciosness

Thankful for the Hubby

I am so thankful for you and so blessed to be your wife. We have weathered many storms together and always manage to stand firm in our trials. I am grateful that we didn’t have an easy road to marriage because I feel that road made us stronger individually and as a couple. When I first met you I was drawn to you. You have not been like any other man in my life and at times I questioned am I addicted, is the pull he has on me something abnormal? But now I know it was fate. There is no accident that God had us meet. There is no accident that we took Broken Roads to find one another. You were created for me by my precious heavenly father. I accept you as my perfect gift from God. I am so grateful that I get to be the constant in your life. The one who will always be there no matter what, the one who supports you and follows your lead, and the one who loves you more than any on this earth. I call it a privilege to love you. Thank you for all that you do and all that I know you will do in our marriage. You are amazing and you are my rock. I am so proud of the man you are and the man I know God wants you to be. I appreciate all you are doing to become more like the man God has for you to be. You do so much for me and I don’t always give you the praise that you deserve. I admire you and love you beyond measure.

Yesterday I Cried by Iyanla Vanzant

I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,
and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when
the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,
Because...

Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.

A song in my heart today

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise You I just wanna praise You
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise You
I'm gonna praise, praise you

In the corners of my mind
I just can't seem to find A reason to believe
That I can break free
Cause you see I have been bound for so long
Felt like all hope was gone
But as I lift my hands I understand
That I should praise You through my circumstance

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise You I just wanna praise You
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise You
I'm gonna praise, praise you

Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
See so much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gonna lose my mind
Lord I know You wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need You to lift this load
Cause I can't take it no more

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise You I just wanna praise You
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise You
I'm gonna praise, praise you

Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go right now

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise You
I just wanna praise You
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise You
I'm gonna praise, praise you

Soul searching

I wrote this in June 2001

I am lost within myself
Lost within this world
Lost within these feelins of loneliness
Deserted
Only left with my mind and the thoughts it produces
And my heart with these feelings I try to hide

Written By:
Meghan Leigh

Maya Angelou- I am Christian

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

Author ~Maya Angelou~

Maya Angelou - Still I Rise

Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise

I rise
I rise.

Marriage- Committment

Here are some more things I have learned through books, scripture and Weekend to Remember. I made a covenant before God to stay committed to my marriage no matter the circumstance. I pray that with each passing year as trials and tribulations occur in my marriage that I always remember the I committed to Troy until the day I die or the day he leaves this earth, which ever comes first.

Commitment is a decision to have the abundant marriage God desires, regardless of circumstances or whether you think your spouse is doing their part. This includes:
• Realizing that marriage is an unbreakable covenant before God. Marriage is covenant not a contract, which could be broken, but a binding, permanent agreement — just like the covenant God makes with us.
• Choosing to love someone whether you Feel “love” or not. We often let our feelings dictate our actions, but we are actually built for the opposite. Our Creator has designed us so that when we love another person with our actions, our feelings inevitably follow. You may not always feel like loving someone, and a marriage love is a choice to love that person no matter what (Choice not feeling)
• Engaging in Christian community, prayer and discipleship — especially when you don't want to. These three aspects of the Christian life help sustain every believer, but they are particularly essential for those going through a difficult season.
• Not pointing out the flaws of your spouse but recognizing the good in them and the sin in yourself. If you're dissatisfied with your marriage, try this challenge: For the next 30 days, don't say anything negative about your spouse — neither to him or her nor to anyone else. Every day, find something you appreciate about your spouse, and verbalize it. This marital application of Philippians 4:8 (which instructs us to focus on whatever is praiseworthy) has the power to transform a marriage. When we examine and work to change ourselves, we often bring out the best in our spouse as well.
• Realizing that you cannot change your spouse. When you married them you accepted them for who they were. That doesn’t mean you or your spouse do not have things to we need to change, but too many times we feel like we can change the person we are with. We only have the power to pray for our spouse and ask that God reveal to them what may or may not need to change. Reflect on yourself, many times we are the ones in need of change
• Relying on God to help you put your spouse’s needs above your own and to make pleasing God your priority not making yourself happy. God calls us to grow in relationship with Him, to make Him our number one priority then our spouse. Doing something because God commands you to not because your spouse may or may not deserve it.
• Allow each other to openly talk about temptations, weaknesses, etc. When we commit to one another we must know that the world doesn’t stop and we are not in a bubble. Build a strong foundation with your marriage and create safeguards. Also allow the other person to come to you for help, advice, or concern about things that tempt them. We all have some sort of temptations and Satan is alive and trying to destroy marriages. When you both attack issues face on, together in unity with God you can win the fight against Satan’s attack. One area of temptation is affairs, and they are not just physical and emotional. Anything that takes up our time and consumes us away from our marriage can be considered an affair.
o Activity Affairs- busy, busy, busy You have so much going on and are constantly on the go that you never have time for one another
o Work Affair- you make your career a priority above all else and keep adding more demands to keep you away from your family and keep you distracted
o Materialism Affair- you are consumed with things and what you can have and will have to the point that it consumes you
o Children- Your sole focus is on your children and you are so consumed with them and what their needs are. You never take time for you and your spouse because that would take time away from your kids. You only focus your interactions with your spouse about your children. You have a child centered and child focused home (which is not how God designed the family)
There are many things that occupy our time and keep us away from our marriage and family but making the commitment that no matter what occurs in the marriage you are committed to one another and to the vows you made before God.

Bruised but not Broken

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Psalm 139:4

This weekend I will be attending the Desperate for Jesus Conference at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship with my mother. I am so excited about what God will reveal to all the women in attendance. We have gone to this conference in the past and it has been such a blessing. I can't wait to post the after thoughts from this special weekend. So excited to hear Beth Moore speak in person!!!

The Aftermath
Wow can I just say what an amazing weekend with Sisters in Christ!!! It was great to see all different cultures, denominations come together to be uplifted, inspired, transformed by the Word delivered through Beth Moore and Tara Jenkins.

This year the theme was bruised but not broken. So many times in life we are bent over with the storms in our lives. We learned so much about those storms and how to have faith in our Lord Jesus. It was great weekend that lifted your spirits and reminded you of your royalty in Christ.

Sisters- God does not forsake us. In Jesus you CANNOT be destroyed!!! Nothing can pull you out of the Hand of God. If God is for us who can be against us. Below I want to share some of the things we learned.

Acts 27: 13-20
The Storm
13When a gentle south wind began to blow, they thought they had obtained what they wanted; so they weighed anchor and sailed along the shore of Crete. 14Before very long, a wind of hurricane force, called the "northeaster," swept down from the island. 15The ship was caught by the storm and could not head into the wind; so we gave way to it and were driven along. 16As we passed to the lee of a small island called Cauda, we were hardly able to make the lifeboat secure. 17When the men had hoisted it aboard, they passed ropes under the ship itself to hold it together. Fearing that they would run aground on the sandbars of Syrtis, they lowered the sea anchor and let the ship be driven along. 18We took such a violent battering from the storm that the next day they began to throw the cargo overboard. 19On the third day, they threw the ship's tackle overboard with their own hands. 20When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging, we finally gave up all hope of being saved.

6 Planks (from wrecking ship to safe land)
1) Sometimes we are standing in the exact spot where several storms collide
* the storms of our life can turn it into a whirlwind that we think we can't deal with and become overwhelmed
CHAOS- Can't have anyone over syndrome
* Why does God allow Satan to keep getting at you and attacking you??
Because sometimes we think we have obtained exactly what we wanted and settle
We haven't even begun to know what God wants for you
If we had all He wanted for us we would be dead

Remember ladies...There ain't no going back...stop running back to our past or dwelling in you past Focus towards tomorrow not yesterday You have not yet obtained what Jesus wants for you

2) The question of fault feeds the fury of every storm
We are constantly trying to find someone to blame this only adds strength to the storm in your life

If you could name your hurricane what would you name it? Many times our storms are people in our lives
(Acts 27:9-12) There is a lot of power in anger and finding fault quit fueling your storms

**** THERE IS A PLACE GOD WANTS TO TAKE YOU AND YOU CAN ONLY GET THERE THROUGH THE STORM ****

Some storms are perfect storms if you get to where God has for you. Remember though through the storm the enemy will do everything he can to stop you from getting to where God wants you to go

3) The titanic temptation in any storm is to give way to it (Acts 27:14-15)

How do you want your storm to turn out? How do you see yourself on the other side of your storm? Are you going to let it kill you or HEAL you?

vs. 22 I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost
vs. 25 faith in God just as He told me

If God is for us who can be against us us. There is no accident in your life.. God has brought you in the storm to emerge a victor
You can be full of the Holy Spirit and still be in storms

Acts 27: 27-44
The Shipwreck
27On the fourteenth night we were still being driven across the Adriatic[b] Sea, when about midnight the sailors sensed they were approaching land. 28They took soundings and found that the water was a hundred and twenty feet[c] deep. A short time later they took soundings again and found it was ninety feet[d] deep. 29Fearing that we would be dashed against the rocks, they dropped four anchors from the stern and prayed for daylight. 30In an attempt to escape from the ship, the sailors let the lifeboat down into the sea, pretending they were going to lower some anchors from the bow. 31Then Paul said to the centurion and the soldiers, "Unless these men stay with the ship, you cannot be saved." 32So the soldiers cut the ropes that held the lifeboat and let it fall away.

33Just before dawn Paul urged them all to eat. "For the last fourteen days," he said, "you have been in constant suspense and have gone without food—you haven't eaten anything. 34Now I urge you to take some food. You need it to survive. Not one of you will lose a single hair from his head." 35After he said this, he took some bread and gave thanks to God in front of them all. Then he broke it and began to eat. 36They were all encouraged and ate some food themselves. 37Altogether there were 276 of us on board. 38When they had eaten as much as they wanted, they lightened the ship by throwing the grain into the sea.

39When daylight came, they did not recognize the land, but they saw a bay with a sandy beach, where they decided to run the ship aground if they could. 40Cutting loose the anchors, they left them in the sea and at the same time untied the ropes that held the rudders. Then they hoisted the foresail to the wind and made for the beach. 41But the ship struck a sandbar and ran aground. The bow stuck fast and would not move, and the stern was broken to pieces by the pounding of the surf.

42The soldiers planned to kill the prisoners to prevent any of them from swimming away and escaping. 43But the centurion wanted to spare Paul's life and kept them from carrying out their plan. He ordered those who could swim to jump overboard first and get to land. 44The rest were to get there on planks or on pieces of the ship. In this way everyone reached land in safety.

*** The only reason God would say no to you is because there is a greater yes ahead
Read Luke 11:13
In unanswered prayers and pleading, whatever God withheld and said no to He gave you the Holy Spirit in its place

4) To make it through the storm sometimes we have to cut ropes
(our freedom could be at stake in what we cut loose)

Read Proverbs 30:4

vs. 44 CONSTANT SUSPENSE- living in constant suspense can be tormenting, nothing is more demoralizing, nothing more that can defeat you, gets old to live in, sick to death of living in constant suspense. When you are in a season of constant suspense apply constant certainties...(Declare God's promises for you)
1) God is always for me and not against me
2) He will work all things for the good
3) you can have power in the word of your testimony
4) God is faithful
5) God never falls us

Come up with 10 Constant Certainties and declare them when in constant suspense

5) One life can invite the favor of God to many in the storm

Remember when you see people in the stronghold of sin it doesn't mean they are having FUN...
some are sinning out of desperation and a life that has led them to not stand tall and cry out is there a way to live in victory I want to be free
** You can be the one where it all begins to change if you take courage


Acts 28:1-6
Ashore on Malta
1Once safely on shore, we found out that the island was called Malta. 2The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire and welcomed us all because it was raining and cold. 3Paul gathered a pile of brushwood and, as he put it on the fire, a viper, driven out by the heat, fastened itself on his hand. 4When the islanders saw the snake hanging from his hand, they said to each other, "This man must be a murderer; for though he escaped from the sea, Justice has not allowed him to live." 5But Paul shook the snake off into the fire and suffered no ill effects. 6The people expected him to swell up or suddenly fall dead, but after waiting a long time and seeing nothing unusual happen to him, they changed their minds and said he was a god.

I may be in a storm but soon I will be safely on shore

6) On the other side of a perfect storm, the serpent is all BITE and no VENOM (PRAISE GOD)
Let the winds and waves of the storm do what they will but you will get to where the devil loosed his fight for you and be exactly where God wants you

1 John 3:8
The son of God appeared to destroy Satan's work
In a storm God breaks to pieces the hold Satan has on you, or the devils work in you


There is more of the weekend to come, I am still trying to soak in all that was revealed to me this weekend....All I can say is praise God He is faithful and there is nothing in my life I can't face with the Lord Jesus by my side. I know this all to well, when I should have perished my Lord did not forsake me, he reached into the pits of Hell and reclaimed his lost child. Oh Lord I live because of you, I am so undeserving but you forgive me and love me. Thank you Lord for the blood of the Lamb so that I may be washed clean. When storms in my life face I must always remember to have faith in you oh God for you know what is best and this storm will bring me to where you want me and Lord there is no greater place than that. Jehovah Rapha thank you!!!

God's Purpose for Marriage

Troy and I attend Weekend to Remember from Family Life annually and the conference is geared to teach God's Purpose for Marriage.

Purpose One: Mirror God’s image. After God created the earth and the animals, He said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” The account continues, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:26-27).

God’s first purpose for creating man and woman and joining them in marriage was to mirror His image on planet earth. Center your attention on those words, mirror His image. The Hebrew word for “mirror” means to reflect God, to magnify, exalt, and glorify Him. Your marriage should reflect God’s image to a world that desperately needs to see who He is. Because we’re created in the image of God, people who wouldn’t otherwise know what God is like should be able to look at us and get a glimpse.

Purpose Two: Complete each other and experience companionship. Scripture clearly outlines a second purpose for marriage: to mutually complete each other. That’s why God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Adam felt isolated in the Garden, and so God created woman to eliminate his aloneness. Writing to the first-century church in Corinth, Paul echoed the teachings in Genesis 2 when he asserted, “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

I was convinced that Barbara was “the one,” because I sensed that she could complete me as well as be a wonderful companion. Now, many years later, I really understand how much I need her. The two of us are like a computer and software. Standing alone, the computer and software are impressive, but combined as a team, they can accomplish so much more! And that’s exactly what God had in mind when He performed the first marriage with an original groom and bride named Adam and Eve. (Deniss Rainey)

You need each other. You recognize that now. But if you build your marriage according to God’s blueprints, as the years go by, you will really appreciate the genius of how God has custom-made your mate for you.

Purpose Three: Multiply a godly legacy. A line of godly descendants—your children—will carry a reflection of God’s character to the next generation. Your plans for children may still be in the future, but if He gives you a child, you will be in for an amazing adventure.

God’s original plan called for the home to be a sort of greenhouse—a nurturing place where children grow up to learn character, values, and integrity. Too many couples today seem to be raising their children without a sense of mission and direction. They aren’t imparting to them the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy of changed lives. They aren’t evaluating their lives in light of the Great Commission of Matthew 28:18-20, where Christ commands us to preach the gospel to all nations.

One of your assignments is to impart a sense of destiny, a spiritual mission, to your children. Your responsibility as a couple is to make your home a place where your children learn what it means to love and obey God. Your home should be a training center to equip your children to look at the needs of people and the world through the eyes of Jesus Christ. If children do not embrace this spiritual mission as they grow up, they may live their entire lives without experiencing the privilege of God using them in a significant way.

Your marriage is far more important than you may have ever imagined because it affects God’s reputation on this planet. That’s why it’s essential for you to set Jesus Christ apart as the Builder of your home.

To My Pathways Family

This adventure of discovery has been one of trials, but most of all of blessings. We have brought out things about ourselves that we would never want the world to know. Recognize your past as the thing that brought you to this point in your journey. Do not dwell on the wrong doings but the happy memories you have. The past will no longer haunt you because we have set it free. Always remember to love yourself and forgive yourself. I am grateful for the journey, because without the ugly past, I would not have a brighter future, a blessed future. If you are a believer, remember to go to God… let go, let God. He is our wonderful savior who gave his life so that we may live, so start living the wondrous life God has for you. I thank God for all of you, for the blessing of eternal friends. I am comforted in knowing that I can have a better life and that I have amazing friends that I can turn to when I need them and that someone can always count on me as well. This is not our goodbyes; this is the beginning of the new “US.” Let’s embrace the world with strength, courage, love and each other. I love you all dearly and will carry you in my heart and spirit daily. Always remember we have each other and don’t be afraid to take the medicine game into your life. Embrace what we have learned, embrace what we went through. Until we meet again…I will have you near me always.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next. Amen.

Our Wedding Vows

Troy, believing that marriage is a covenant intended by God to be a lifelong fruitful relationship between a man and a woman, do you vow to God, to Meghan, your family, and your friends, to remain steadfast in selfless and unconditional love for her and will you always seek reconciliation in times of trial? Will you remain sexually pure in mind and body while purposefully growing personally and spiritually in your covenant marriage relationship?
(HUSBAND, “I DO”)

Meghan believing that marriage is a covenant intended by God to be a lifelong fruitful relationship between a man and a woman, do you vow to God, to Troy, your family, and your friends to remain steadfast in selfless and unconditional love for him and will you always seek reconciliation in times of trial? Will you remain sexually pure in mind and body while purposefully growing personally and spiritually in your covenant marriage relationship?
(BRIDE, “I DO”)

I, Troy Allen joyfully receive you as God’s perfect gift for me, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, I will put your needs before mine, I will consider you in all my decisions, I will speak the truth to you in Love. I promise to love you, to honor you, to cheirsh you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to protect you, to encourage you, and to forgive you as Christ has forgiven me and forsaking all others as long as long as we both shall live.

I, Meghan Leigh joyfully receive you as God’s perfect gift for me, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, I will put your needs before mine, I will consider you in all my decisions, I will speak the truth to you in Love. I promise to love you, to honor you, to cheirsh you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to respect you and submit to you, to encourage you, and to forgive you as Christ has forgiven me, forsaking all others as long as long as we both shall live.

25 Random Things about me

1. I collect shot glasses and it is such an obsession that I have shot glasses all over the place, they are taking over.

2. I am a huge NC Tarheel fan but hate that so many people jumped on that band wagon, I prefer not to love a team the whole world seems to go for as well, but I will always love Carolina blue.

3. I love Elvis Presley movies, Blue Hawaii happens to be one of my favorites.

4. If I could do anything or be any where, I would live on an island being a beach bum for the rest of my life.

5. I truly never wanted to get married, I thought it was a life for someone else and kids were things other people had. I always felt sick to my stomach when people would talk about it or the person I was in a relationship with would mention marriage. The second things seemed to head that direction I would suddenly find a million things about the person that I didn't like and would help destroy the relationship from inside out, TROY changed that.

6. I used to be obsessed with Sigmund Freud, I read most of his work and could quote his theories to anyone. I respected him as a scientist a psychologist but never really agreed with many of his thoughts. I can not remember anything about his theories to this day, so pretty much I wasted a lot of time.

7. I still get butterflies around Troy, like the first date or first kiss feeling. I think it is great that after all this time he still makes me weak and googly eyed.

8. I have always wanted a bulldog and really get upset that I don't have one.

9. Many people think I am a liberal and my ideas and thoughts are a little out there, sad thing is I normally vote Republican.

10. I really miss mission work and the amazing impact you can have not only on others lives but on your own.

11. I had the biggest crush on Shane from the L word and questioned, does that make me a Lesbian??? Hehe..even though I know I am not one I find her irresistable.

12. I am a huge Sex and the City fan..I always wanted to be a combination of Carrie and Samantha and really can't stand Charlotte.

13. I have to sleep with one leg out of the covers or my butt out otherwise I feel chlosterphobic.

14. I cried when Tupac died and made a scrapbook of his life.

15. I think it is funny how Pathways has done so much good in my life and the program has made me a completely different person but half of the time the people you need to protect yourself from are those from Pathways....at times it is worse that any Soap Opera. That is why I choose who I befriend very carefully.

16. My favorite band is Linkin Park and it urks me that every time they come to Dallas I happen to be out of town.

17. One of my biggest motivations to change who I was in the past was that I wanted to be someone my nephew could be proud of.

18. I sometimes want to pick up and leave everything behind and see what it would be like to start a new life where no one knows you and you can write your own story, there is no history.

19. I would give anything to have one conversation with Maya Angelou. She is such an inspiration to me.

20. I would trade every expensive gift in the world for someone to give me a letter that tells me how they truly feel about me from the heart. there is nothing better than the written expression of love

21. Many people think I am snobby but the truth is I am guarded and at times frightened to let others get to close to me.

22. I love being silly and goofing off. Some of my favorite times are those when you could care less how stupid or goofy you are, you sing as loud as you can no matter how terrible you are, run around have pillow fights, play run do whatever to make you feel free and silly.

23. I miss having that daily connection with my best friends but don't know how to get that back.

24. I love Troy being a part of a team so I can cheer him on. There is nothing better than being his little cheerleader.

25. I really don't like dessert.

Alex

I am so grateful for Alex and the man he has become. When we were little he was my little baby. I loved him so much. As he grew up we grew apart but my love for him always remained. I knew that we had something special, but through both of our struggles we drifted. As many of my friends know, we have come close to losing Alex many times. We have watched him struggle since a young age. I was so proud of him the day that he went to rehab. I am so proud of him for at least being willing to change. I saw him transform and to see him year after year sober gave me even more pride in him. When he went out this last time, I had to make a tough decision and that was tough love. I encouraged our family to do the same. I felt he had been given enough chances and if the family went to rescue him, he would fail. He was in a terrible place and death was an option. It was a hard decision but ultimately it was the best decision. Alex checked himself in to detox and decided to leave his life and move to Texas to live with us. Every day is a blessing. I am so proud that of who he is and who he will continue to become. God did some amazing things in his life. He sent angels to Alex at the right times, and one of those angels is Matt. I am grateful for his influence on Alex, I am grateful that he continually guides Alex in the right path. Alex changed his life and got baptized. That was God day for sure. I am so grateful that God found Alex when he needed to be found. I am so thankful for the work he has done in Alex’s heart. He has always been an amazing guy but he stumbled just like we all do. I am grateful that I have my cousin back, I am grateful that I get to spend time with him. I am so thankful that he thought enough of me to confide in me and talk to me. I have always loved him and always will. I can’t say enough how much I admire him and his strength. God has big plans for him and I know there is nothing that he can’t do. God is still in the miracle business and Alex is a walking and breathing example of our God’s love, perseverance, mercy, grace, forgiveness, and awestruck wonder.

Katie

Sometimes blessing come in amazing packages. Before I was even born Katie and I had a connection. We are four months apart and we swear that when she was on the outside and I was on the inside we talked. We have had an instant connection. I have such a unique bond with my cousin. I feel special that I had a sister in my cousin. I am so thankful for all the memories we have had growing up. We spent every second we could with one another. From our mud pies, to Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, and Strawberry Shortcake. We got to vacation as a family to the beach every year growing up and she started coming with my mom and dad to Florida after we moved to Texas. We now vacation together with our families every year. She is the other part of my soul, and her presence in my life is so rewarding. I am thankful that we are close enough to share our cares and concerns, to go to one another when our worlds are falling apart. I am thankful that we love each other with acceptance. I am so thankful for all the times we have just cracked up with one another. “It’s called a blanket’ lmao!!! This inside thing gets us every time. I love her beyond measure She is my constant friend, my constant sister, and comforter. I am so grateful for her and for our relationship.

Grandma's Hands

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She
didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down
beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered
if she was OK. Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on
her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK.

She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking," she said in a clear strong voice. "I didn't mean to disturb you, Grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK," I explained to her.

"Have you ever looked at your hands?" she asked. "I mean really looked at
your hands?" I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them
over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at
my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related the following story:
"Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served
you well throughout your years.
"These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have
used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. They braced and
caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my
mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in
prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.

"They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war. They have
been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.!
"They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son.
Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved
someone special.

"They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse. They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand. They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body.

"They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And to this
day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me
up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.

"These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life. But
more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take
when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I
will use these hands to touch the face of Christ."

I will never look at my hands the same again. God reached out and took my
grandma's hands and led her home. When my hands are hurt or sore or when I
stroke the face of my children and husband I think of Grandma. I know she has
been held by the hands of God. And I, too, want to touch the face of God and
feel His hands upon my face.



This was sent to me and my cousin in 2007, close to the anniversary of our Grandmother's death. I cried for what seemed like hours. Though someone else wrote this story, it tells a story of my Grandma. I can't wait to meet Jesus what a wonderful day, but I am happy to know that my Grandma and Grandpa are both in the presence of the Lord.

July 13, 2006 THE ME THAT USED TO BE

It wasn't long ago that I was broken, beaten down, and dead. I was just merely existing but portraying to the world to have it all together. I was considered to be a strong woman, a survivor, a fixer. People, friends, family saw a courageous woman- one who would not let anything or anyone hold her down. Damn, I guess I was so good at fooling the world to hide the me that was falling apart, the woman who had lost hope. Not all my wounds were fresh, but the scars hurt deep inside and I thought they would never heal.



Ive been through trauma too personal to be discussed but before I knew it the trauma became to evident to be hidden. I had a breakdown. I was bowed down under the weight and pressure, the guilt and the shame that comes from dark secrets, traumas, and pain. I was left twisted, dismantled, confused and numb. Issues, incidents, relationships all leapt from my past and held me hostage, forever chained to my pain, to my shame and to my brokenness.



I was filled with regrets, haunted with my secrets, alienated by those ghosts, and quarantined in my misery and pain. Images and flashbacks constantly entered my mind. I was involved with these ghosts on a daily basis- they were with me every where I went, they were introduced into every relationship I entered.



After awhile I began numbing myself out, trying anything and everything to make the pain go away and the guilt disappear. But I numbed myself to the point that I no longer felt any true emotions, good or bad. My body was still there, living day after day, but my insides had been ripped out. A fatality that happened from abuse, empty promises, self- inflicted pain, men, betrayal, drugs, alcohol and suicidal tendencies. I numbed through sin but never found peace. When you have been hurt so much its just easier to shut down and to put up protective walls. I felt I couldnt suffer; my heart couldnt ache, if I built walls around myself. But I was left empty- left with nothing.



I used to run from man to man to save me from the last one or at least prove to me that he wasnt like the last one who had done me wrong. I ran only to find myself dealing with new shit, new pain. Then I found someone who loved me with every ounce of him but I was so hardened, untouchable and unlovable. I couldnt feel the love he was trying to give me. There were too many layers for him to have to fight through. He was only reaching my outer layers that covered the years and years of contamination. My protection- became my prison and no one could give me enough to feel anything from them. Keevin tried and tried but I was too far gone, too stuck in my own misery to truly accept him, but I still couldnt let him go. I thought I would hurt him more by leaving even though I was constantly letting him know how truly empty I was with him- because of him. I tried so hard to make us work and to be happy but I had lost my ability to feel anything.



Troy changed that. He came into my life and my heartfelt something when I was around him. I no longer wanted to live this horrible existence but was too stubborn at first to want to change. I pulled out my mask and pretended to be happy. But he saw through it all and saw the pain that I tried to hide. I soon woke up one day and realized that I was in a relationship with Keevin who loved me with all he had and I couldnt feel loved, I was seeking something from Troy who had jumped started my heart again. I wanted to be with Troy but didnt care enough about myself to think that I deserved more than my miserable existence. I had become comfortable with this life, and continued to hurt all three of us, Keevin, Troy and myself.



So I decided to go to Pathways. It was my last chance- my choice between life and death. I had lost track of who I was and needed to find myself again. No matter how much I had been through in my life, Pathways was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I fought to find me, I fought to forgive myself, to forgive others, to accept Gods forgiveness. I fought to rid myself of shame and guilt, pain and numbness. I faced my ultimate rock betrayal and trust. I regained my strength, I found hope, I found self love, I found self worth- I regained my will to live, to feel. The pain diminished and the fear subsided. Life became something to live for, not just merely exist through. Love became something I deserved, something I wanted, not needed. I found God, I found the woman God wanted me to be. I am a worthy woman who deserves to live, to love, who loves herself, who loves God, who forgives herself. I am valuable and unique, I am a star. I now place my life, my future in Gods hands and seek his guidance in all that I do. I am a God fearing Woman, I wear that in my heart. I found the Meghan I had lost over 11 years ago, a happy, free spirited, loving little girl who is full of life and laughter.



I am now in a relationship with Troy , who is a wonderful man, who is my best friend. He is my stronghold, my encourager, my supporter. I can finally give my heart to a man and feel something in return. He is the star in my sky that shines endlessly and helps me see that I have a direction. He keeps me close to God, and striving to be a Godly woman. He is my hero, my inspiration, my muse, my heart. He is my everything and I have been blessed by God. No he is not perfect, but he is mine and I am his and we glide through life together.



(if you read this and something touches you r relates to you and you know that you deserve more, please look into pathways at gopathways.org. It saved my life and can give you all that is missing, all that is hidden by the years of damage. I am no longer damaged goods but Gods child. You can also send me an email if you want more information.. I love you all and wish everyone all life has to offer)


"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"
Isaiah 43:18,19a

I am

I Am a strong, confident, loving, forgiven, God fearing, honest, passionate, creative, WOMAN!!
I Want to grow in my relationship with Jesus, seek his will, love my man each day of my life, start a family, and love myself more daily.
I Have been blessed and forgiven. God has given me another chance at life and has blessed me with an amazing husband and family who loves me and supports me.
I Wish i would have left my previous relationship so that I would have never hurt Troy and would have been happy instead of right.
I Hate that I try to forgive her and not have hatred in my heart but I still carry that anger, I hate that people can not let go and move on, I hate that no matter how much he loves me I still have a hard time accepting his love.
I Fear the Lord.
I Hear God calling for me to be obedient and seek his wisdom, accept his forgiveness and never forget his grace.
I Search for his wisdom, his knowledge and for the answers to make me a better person. I also search for a humble spirit and peace with my past.
I Wonder what Heaven will be like
I Regret nothing!!! Life is what it is, live it and regret nothing. Mistakes make me who I am and confessing my sins keeps me closer to my Lord.
I Love Jesus, Myself, Troy and my family and friends. I love the life I have been given.
I Ache for peace. To be able to truly accept the Lord..'s forgiveness and my forgiveness
I Always do nothing the same. I am a beautiful disaster that keeps you on your toes.
I Usually think and reflect on life and contemplate all the ways that I can better myself.
I Am Not prefect, but I am created in the image of God and loved by him and my sins are washed in the blood of the lamb so that I may live.
I Dance to the song in my heart.
I Sing praises to Lord and the freedom in my soul.
I Never doubt that God is Lord and Jesus is my saviour.
I Rarely turn away from others.
I used to Cry often. I was in touch with my heart and it's true feelings for the first time in years a couple of years ago.
I have been through hell and back but by the grace of God I may live.
I cry over many things but I am no longer afraid to cry and release what is at the core of me.
I Am Not Always quick to forget but I can forgive.
I Lose my way and God's way when I am stuck in self-hatred, I refuse forgiveness, and I run my numbers that keep me stuck in the past
I'm Confused about what my purpose in life is and what direction I should take.
I Need salvation because without mine I am as good as dead.
I Should always turn to God for the answers to life, the direction I need and the love I deserve because of Him.

Forgiveness and soul surgery

Are there things you feel in your heart you cannot forgive yourself for doing? Things you believe or have been led to believe are so horrible that you can never or should never be forgiven for them. It's the major things we consider unforgivable. Things we do when we are at a loss about what to do but are afraid to admit it. There are things that we do without thinking that have a dangerous impact. There are things we do for revenge. These things we consider unforgivable, are the things taht we need to forgive ourselves for doing. the things we hold against ourselves rest heavy on our hearts and eat away at our sense of worth. With an open and willing heart, you can be freed from the prison of self-damnation. Open your heart to yourself, for yourself. If you are a human being, there is something that you need to forgive yourself for.

The way to correction is through the acknowledgment of the truth. The way the Spirit of love and life corrects if through forgiveness.

Many of us have a black hole in our hearts that sucks the fight, the life and the goodness from our lives. Sure there are days when we can laugh and smile and almost convince ourselves and others that life is good. Then, without warning, we are sucked into the black hole of guilt. There may be a black hole in your heart that is full of fear, pain, grief, anger or shame. This is a deep hole! There is only one way to get out and stay out of that black hole. FORGIVENESS!!! Forgive yourself for all the unkind, unloving, unsupportive things that you have thought and done to yourself and others.

Prayer of Forgiveness:

Blessed and Divine Holy Spirit,

Today I forgive myself. I forgive myself for judging my true Self less than a perfect creation of God. I forgive myself for judging myself not good enough. I forgive myself for not sking what I want and what I need. I forgive myself for not asking for your love, your guidance, your grace, your mercy. I forgive myself for believing that I do not deserve to be happy. I forgive myself for judging myself unworthy. I forgive myself for not letting my God-given abilities to shine through. I forgive myself for my desires of the flesh, for living my life in Satan's realm and not in accordance to your divine and Holy Word. I forgive myself for being angry with myself and being angry with others. I forgive myself for the sins that I have professed before you Lord and the sins I accepted your forgiveness for but continually didnt forgive myself for. I ask for and forgive myself for all I have don in violation of your laws. I forgive myself for chosing to live in fear instead of love. I forgive myself for holding on to all the thoughts and feelings that have blinded me, hindered me, kept me trapted in misery and pain. I forgive myself for denying myself the joy of a healthy, safe and loving relationship. I forgive myself unconditionally for anything I have done, in any way I have done it, to deny the prosperous and abundant presence of God's love in my life. I am forgiven and saved by the blood of the lamb, and shown mercy and grace from the Lord my God whom I fear and loves me with all of him.

In your most holy and precious name

Grandparents

I am thankful for all the years & memories with my two grandma's and my grandpa. i am so thankful that I get to continue to make memories with Gma Morris. I love her so much. She has been a tremendous blessing to my life. I just wish she was up the street so I could see her as often as I would like to.

I have been thinking of my Grandma Edwards a lot lately and I miss her so much, her laughter & presence in my life.I know she is reunited with Grandaddy and Jesus and I am thankful that one day I will see them both again. i just wish I had more time but am thankful she is just a memory away.

I found this that I wrote about missing Grandma in Jan of 2008
Today the memory of your presence left my heart broken. You were my happy place. You made every moment with you special. I still laugh at the things you said, the things you did. You always made me smile, you always made me feel loved. We still cry because you aren't here. Mom can't let go, she can't always remember that you are no longer a phone call away. She cries for you often, because without you her soul is broken. You were our hero, you were my perfection of grace and love. I didn't know life without you would be so hard. I keep my memories of you strong, I always keep you in my heart. I still hear you laugh sometimes, I hear it in myself at times. Some say I look like you and I refuse to believe because I can't bear to look at me and see the you that is no longer here. Life with you was such a blessing. God took you away to a better place, he took you in his arms and welcomed you home, but we still miss you. Now you join him and together you two are in eternity, free of pain and in the presence of amazing grace. When I think of me leaving this world, when I think of death, one of my comforts is seeing my grandma and grandpa again.

My New Family

As stated before, I am one lucky girl. Not only did God bless me with a wonderful family, amazing friends, an unbelievable great husband, but my new family puts the icing on the cake. I am so thankful to have Gene and Jill as my parents in love. They have welcomed me into their family and have been such a joy. I love that they teach me about their family and introduce me to new things. Their acceptance really means more to me than I can begin to express. They have loved me and made me feel like their family is where I always belonged. I get teary eyed thinking about it. I am so thankful for all that they have done for me and for Troy. They have taught me a whole other world up in Minnesota from Christmas dinner, to snow mobiling, ice fishing and eating bear. I am grateful for the laughter. I am also grateful for the man they helped Troy become. He never stops amazing me and I know Jill and Gene have a lot to do with who he is. They gave me one of my greatest gifts of all.

I have gained two amazing brothers and sister in loves. Misti and I feel that we were destined to be together being that we both share the name Morris. I am so thankful that when our families all met there was laughter and friendships being formed. I feel like not only was I welcomed in Troy’s family but Misti’s as well. I am so thankful for Steve and Brian’s humor, and making me feel right at home with them. These men have such great character, such loving hearts, and the laughing never ends around the Tarno boys. What a blessing I have with the Tarnowski’s. I am thankful for what our future holds as a family. I can’t wait to grow closer to each of them.

I am so thankful for my nieces and nephew. I love those kids so much. I can say that their parents have done amazing jobs. I am thankful for the time I have had with them. I am also thankful that God has blessed Kati and Brian with a little one on the way. I can’t wait to meet my new niece or nephew and become a big part of their life.

My Big Brother

I am so thankful for my brother. When I was little I wanted to be just like him and that hasn’t changed much now that I have grown up. I am thankful for the great memories we shared together when we were kids. He was my hero. I loved dressing up like super heroes and jumping from couch to couch. I love that he always taught me new things. I am so thankful that he took the time to be a great big brother. I loved how we had clubs for everything, baseball card club, reading club, drawing club, sticker club. I think he used the word club so he didn’t have to admit he wanted to hang out with his baby sister. (Just kidding) He always made things exciting and adventurous. I am thankful that he taught me how to skateboard and built a half pike in our back yard to skate on. I am thankful that when I wanted a pool when I was little he made me one so I could swim and play in it.

Now that I am older I am thankful that he got mad at me when I was a punk teenager. I am thankful that he wanted what was best for me and got angry when I settled. I am thankful that He decided to answer God’s call and become a minister. I know we don’t see eye to eye on everything, but I am grateful that he leads by example and teaches me new things still. I am grateful that he is a wonderful dad and husband; it is awesome to see him in those roles. I am thankful that he is just as powerful now as when we were little and he can still be my hero. I am thankful that He ministers to the world. I am thankful that he is a pistol packing preacher; he is quite fitting of him. I am thankful that through our differences and through our struggles we found forgiveness. I am thankful that he loves me, and is a great support in my life. I am even thankful that he has the need to talk on the phone when he drives and I am one of the people he chooses to call. He makes my day better by calling just to say hi, chit chat, gives me updates with the boys and Torie and tells me he loves me. Big brothers are amazing things, and I have one of the best. Wow am I lucky!! God has been good to me. Jonathan, thank you for everything I don’t tell you enough what an impact you have made in my life. I am so grateful that we have worked on our relationship and grow closer as the years pass. You have been the best big brother and I love you and can’t thank you enough.